Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
