Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
