We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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