is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
