Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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