so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
