Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
