I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize