The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
