Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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