I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
