Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
