I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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