No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
