don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
