NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
