as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
