I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
