Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
