I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
