I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You ruined the universe
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
