also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
