he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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