I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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