Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
