Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
