you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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