Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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