Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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