i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
