this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
