i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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