We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
