I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
