Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am mentally ready for anal.
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