if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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