i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There r osticjed everywhere
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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