I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
