I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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