It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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