My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
