What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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