We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
