you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
