I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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