I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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