I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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