Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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