he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
