Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
