he shaved USA in his pubs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize