I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
