i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
