I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
