Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
