We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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