thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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