sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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