Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
