I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
