I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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