I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
