I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
