If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
