I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
