is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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