My boss' voice literally gives me gas
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
