I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
