quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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