The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
