you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
